Disclaimers:
A) spoiler alert
B) this post will be probably be as long as the movie itself.
First things first. A lot of people had immensely high hopes from this movie. Seemingly drawing its source material from 'Death of Superman' and Frank Miller's 'Dark Knight returns'. (If youve still not seen the animated movie, drop everything and watch it at once. Unless you are operating a hydraulic crane. In which case, place said crane gently on the ground first). And helmed by Zack Snyder (Watchmen, 300, Sucker Punch). I loved Watchmen mainly because of Snyder's wonderful handling of one of the darkest comic fictions ever (watch it!). Ok, so maybe man of steel was a dud. But Zack seemed due for a big one. After all, even Suresh Raina takes India to victory every once in a while. And there the disappointment started. I will enumerate below:
1) 'Bro do you even Gotham Knight?' -
Batman is an icon. A symbol of anything that you wish him to be. You could have just asked him to mouth "dont vote for Trump" and that wouldve solved the world's short term problem. And yet, in this movie, Ben Affleck walks around more dazed and intimidated than ever. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved the nightmare sequence. But what's with The Dark Knight killing people? Or worse, branding them? Mid-life crisis? Or has somebody been reading too many Phantom comics lately? A murderous Batman seems like an oxymoron. Like Shahi Paneer. IMHO, Ben Affleck is not a bad Batman. He was what the script needed him to be.
2) The plot has more holes than salman Khan's jaali-wala ganji in hello brother. The movie spent 5-10 mins in the beginning showcasing the mayhem in metropolis. Which is understandable, given that it serves the dual purpose of justifying both the killing extravaganza at the end of 'man of steel' and also Batman's anger at an 'alien God'. But then you spend more time justifying again and again why it is absolutely essential that the caped crusader have a wrestlemania-XVII showdown with The Red Cape. Which includes, lex luthor (I'll come to him in a minute) holding Superman's mom hostage so that he can make him a balwantrai-ka-kutta type henchman to take out Batman. Superman-The guy who can crush tanks with his bare hands, can survive in space without a suit, has x-ray vision, heat vision, extremely keen sensory perception, ability to read minds and break time-space barriers. And who, just 10 mins later, senses Lois lane's fading heartbeat and takes a strategic timeout to save her and share sweet nothings. Makes you go 'what? Why didn't he just save his mom the same way?'
3) This irritating exchange passed off as the climax:
Supes: Martha!!!
Bat: Martha??
Supes: Martha!!!
Bat: Martha??
Crimemaster Gogo/audience: Ye Martha Martha kya hai, ye Martha martha?
4) The future movies plug -
Why can't you just do a marvel and include those random footage of future justice league entrants in the post credits? Do you have to destroy the flow of an already limping narrative to do that? Also, why is there no Green Lantern? Or Martian Manhunter? Is there like a quota on the number of alien players like they have in IPL?
5) The Wasted Characters:
Lex Luthor : supposed to be a diabolical mastermind, the arch nemesis of a 'God who lives among humans'. Instead, Jesse eisenberg's acting is what you get when 'that guy from Facebook' makes out with 'SRK from Darr'.
Wonder Woman : Gal Gadot, like Andy flower in the 90's Zimbabwe team, tries hard to inject the wow element in this rapidly deteriorating drama. But fails because of way less screen time than she should've been given. Like Andy flower, in the 90s Zimbabwe team.
Batman : see point (1) above
Superman : Zack goes overboard with his exposition of 'How does it feel to be a God with limitless powers in a world where people hate what they cannot understand' . Superman is in a constant state of brooding and resignation over the fact that he will never feel accepted. And so He does the heroics not because it is the right thing to do, but because it is expected of him. Which leads his mom to remark 'you don't owe this world anything'. The only reason I don't hate him is because he is way better than Brandon Routh (who got our hopes up, only to take a giant flying dump on our collective faces)
Doomsday : the creature featured in this movie as an uglier version of godzilla apparently has a much better physique in his comic avatar. But in the movie, he just seems, as Kangana Ranaut would describe it 'adrakh ki tarah idhar udhar se fel gaya hai'.
Its probably not that bad a movie. Those among us who have witnessed Prem ratan dhan paayo (these are the people who will survive the nuclear Holocaust, whenever it happens) will survive this as well. But that's the thing. It was not supposed to be just another movie. It was supposed to be the beginning of another franchise that fans deserve. Also, I've seen Batman v Superman and India v West Indies in the same week. So I need to vent. Ok? Sorry. Bye.
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