Diary of a so-called i-banker

Its extremely simple to be an i-banker. In fact, after surviving the intensely competitive (i-banking was named the 2nd most intensely-competitive sport, the 1st was obviously snail-racing) world of i-banking for 2 whole months (including working saturdays) I think m qualified enough to pass judgement on what skills are required to become one.

Throughout my work time, I have conducted painstaking surveys which included ppl from accounting as well (after all, they are also human) and made a list of the skills. However, since the final result of the survey was accidentally destroyed (my boss thought it was a tissue paper/annual report since it had many indecipherable scribblings) I will try and recount them from memory.

1) Candidate must be a carbon based life form.

This is as far as I can recollect.

Anywys, based on my personal judgement I can advise that the following qualities will go a long way in helping u become an awesome i-banker (some ppl think 'awesome i-banker' is an oxymoron. Those ppl work in sales and have rural stints)[1].

1) Staring blankly and having a long pause after each word. This misleads ppl into thinking that u actually know wot ur talking about.

This is also the reason why I think that atal bihari vajpayee would have made a gr8 i-banker. However he chose an intellectually-more-challenging profession. Well, to each his own, as the romans used to say[2].

As a corollary never keep to the same topic for more than 5 mins. Change the topic before the other banker can say ‘Rakesh Jhunjhunwala’. (This will be suitably demonstrated later when I run out of points in this very post)

2) Be secretive - this seems fairly obvious. A successful magician, a successful i-banker and tiger woods (almost, till he got caught) have this quality in common. They never tell[3].. Now, there might be a few smart ppl who mite question as to if this (bein secretive ) is that imp a quality why am I blurting it out on a post? That would mean m not that good an i-banker myself, in which case there's no sense reading my post. But m assuming such smart ppl would rather be pulling their own neckties and choking themselves than read this post, so I continue unabashedly.

3) Keep to standards – Simply put, it don’t matter wot shit you write as long as its in Verdana font, Size 12, single line spacing

(To be continued....)

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[1] Yes, I am that cruel with words.

[2]acually, the romans used to say 'to each his own ****' but since I assume this post will be read by adolescents as well (i can mentally connect with them), I will refrain from using the same adage.

[3] Altho with a magician it is different. He does not tell because he doesn't know much anyway. He jus does wot the rabbit tells him to